I think im a really sticky person.
Consistently find myself holding back from contacting people because i'm scared i get too close/dependent on them, and then they find me clingy or bothersome and they back off.
So instead, i spend my time wondering whether its appropriate to contact XXXX or send a link to YYYYY, and so on.
Sigh. I wonder why none of my friends are the kind who do the same to me? I need to be able to just spam and type anything i want at anytime without fear of being judged/distanced from. I used to do that with bren, but she's so busy in UK that i fear im just some annoying nuisance now. :( sigh.
But then sharon tells me that of all her friends, i am not clingy or dependent at all.
Then i wonder whether there are just ppl who are worse than me, or whether i get overly dependent on 1-2 ppl, at the risk of all the rest whom i barely contact. That's not good. Always in fear that i'm losing the few friends i have (so few in number in sch already).
Ugh. Report was horrible. I think i had 1/2 a pretty damn good paper churned out, and then it all went to shit coz there wasn't enough time. Lol this is what i do to myself each time an assignment rolls around. Procrastinate until screwed. Haiz. Could have done so much better. Seeing as i really know what i wanted to write/planned out everything.
Anyway, 2 more grp projects due in 2 days time. I can do this eep.
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Monday, October 21, 2013
stressed. some shit is happening to my laptop in my most busy hell week.
have 2 presentations/reports due within 2 days of my individual research paper (which i havent started) which is due at the end of this week. And i stupidly decided to update my OS for my mac, and it crashed.
Am now functioning on the "safe recovery mode" which allows simple functions to function (at least) thank goodness.
Have nobody to blame but myself for my less-than-wise life choices.
Ah well.
Decided to take a quick half hour break to exercise and destress.
I think I'll start a new pattern/routine? Instead of just running many km like siao, and spoiling my joints + spending many hours jogging around my estate, I think im gonna do circuit exercises like so many ppl are advocating (lol heard from some health freaks like Liyuan/Junhong during lawcamp org comm dinner many months back).
Gonna do circuits of crunches, pushups, squats etc instead. See if that helps me get a nice bod wahaha.
Probably not. But no harm trying. Saves time too. I recently saw some girl on instagram, she has damn toned muscles and all, (& hundreds of followers to boot), and her routine seems damn little??? Like seriously quite peanuts. Maybe it's coz she doesn't spend all those hours running but instead does the circuit stuff, but to be fair she really really does them regularly (while ill-disciplined ppl like me don't obviously haha)
But meanwhile, can't wait for hell week to be over, so I can get back to my life.
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Thursday, October 03, 2013
Disappointment.
Nothing feels worse. Especially when it's disappointment at yourself. Sometimes a little bit is also aimed at the people around you. But mostly yourself.
That you can let things get screwed up..
That you didn't do good.
That you are totally underperforming.
sian lah.
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