haha im so screwed but i keep wasting time away. hahaha no sense of urgency.
decided to take a break at 10.30 to check FB for a little while.... ended up: now it's nearly 1am -.- HAHAHAHA and im having another ridiculous msn convo with mirrrr babeh ;D
HAHA. omg was at first some punny convo that is sick in the usual way (omg why are we so sick now, must be the other 2 bimtches fault. xD) and now mir is telling me abt some poems by this PERVERTED horny poet called john donne who was damn famous in his time. hahaha the awesome stuff that students learn in Literature. omggg i shuld have taken lit. it's so amusing and funny and interesting (or maybe just coz mir tells it right ;D) lolol the poems sound so innocuous but after analysis in their class, it's like HAHA. -.-'' apparently the guy was damn philandering in his day. gosh wonder why women fall for weird men who write poems persuading pple to have sex with him LOL. (by saying that... a flea bites you and me and our blood mingles in there, so technically, its the same as the exchange of body fluids in sex. so we might as well have it) LOLOLOL. what the. hahaha. women must have not been very discerning in the past.
gosh am in the wrong science stream much. haha would never fall asleep in lit lessons. (much better than can be said about my physics classes in sec3-4 xP)
okay. did sooooo little today, and have 2 days to revise econs from scratch. and math/chem/bio all not done. far from it. HAHA nvmmmmmmmmmmmmm.
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Friday, June 24, 2011
seems like when i don't bother
you don't bother
let's all not bother shall we.
mehttuobaerauoysauoytuobayzarcsaenoemosdnifotdrahos
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Tuesday, June 21, 2011
today i was feeling super damn restless and couldnt study. everywhere i sit in my room doesnt feel right anymore.
I tried:
-the bed (too comfy)
-the chair (sat in too long alr)
-the floor (too cold)
-the table (weird)
gosh.
wanted to run initially to let off excess energy. then ended up walking thru the underpass to east coast park instead. haha good decision. :)
sat by myself on the sand in the shade of the palm trees. the sea is so calming, and peaceful. i sat there for who knows how long. just looking at the waves, esp the white foam that curls along the sand when the waves roll onto the shore, the sky (so bright blue), the clouds, the horizon where the earth really seems to go on forever. when you close your eyes, you can fall asleep right there.
found peace of mind, even for a moment. didn't think of how screwed i was, didn't think about work, or even if i did think about work, i couldn't find anything in me to feel nervous/worried/upset. the sound of the waves somehow just magically takes everything away.
i always found myself a social person, not really wanting to be alone in places, but today, it was good. The park is perfect, with and without wonderful friends to share it with. I guess that's what you call finally being at peace with yourself (even if i wouldn't flatter myself to say that i found it in life, just that a momentary one can be found at the beach haha)
i now know why pple like to describe the sea as such in books. always thought it was quite cliche. but somehow, the magic worked its wonders on me too.
wanted to sit there forever.
and i think east coast park is as beautiful as every other beach in the world. you know those movies where they show the characters walking thru super pure white sands, extremely clear (artificially?) blue water... somehow, i couldn't think of a single way this beach DIDN'T match up to that dreamy one.
anyway, came to the conclusion that this is just CTs, (sure its very impt and leads up to Alvls) but, what is life if you kill yourself over every little thing coming your way? certainly, need to work hard, but when you are really overcome with stress/pressure/undue negative worries, dun kill yourself over it and go relax.
life is only as good as you let it be to you :)
haha and okay, guiltily i shall admit that i slacked around after coming home... ah well. hehe.
i want to go again with friends one day tho :) think itll be really nice to sit on a mat on the beach and lie down, talk, laugh and eat with a bunch of friends, relaxing and enjoying life tgt.
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okay it's too late at night to have a proper blogpost/ a reflective one/ or even one just to recap the 2 handovers last week. impactful week that was...
haha but anyway shall just leave a video here first.
goshhh why are they so hot. HAHA. i swear im straight, but dancers are just so cool. ahhhh. hahaha i showed this to easties, syakir got too excited -.- dingjun was like *fans self* and mir baby has me, so it's okay ;D HAHAHA.
LOL today she introduced nandita to me as "her real girlfriend", then i was like "so what am i? your fake?" XD *heartbreakkk*
hahaha epic. me and mir were talking about flying to california (LOL) coz it's one of the u.s states that allows gay marriages ;D wink wink HAHA zomgosh LOL
syakir: "i wanna go too!"
mir&me: "too bad, we're not taking you~"
syakir: "oh but im going with dingjun~~"
HAHA WE ARE SO GAY OMG. laughing our asses off outside the library, coz must laugh it all out before going in! were all imagining, what if we go to a hotel, then we're like "2 couples rooms please" then they try to guess how the couples are like. (guessing the heterosexual ones of coz) and it turns out we're guy-guy and girl-girl. HAHAHAHAHA. ROFL.
lol this so doesnt serve my case about straightness. but whateverrr. LOL hilariously funny. rofl moments make life better :)
kk sleep time :D
screwed, buttttt haha another post i guess!
OH my bro is super duper niceeee. he bought me a bag of famous amos cookies for fun, for nothing, out of the goodness of his heart. hahaha so i can omnomnom stuff while studying. goshhhh. haha :) im quite glad me and my bro matured up quite alot these few years. dun fight anymore (mainly coz he stopped having a superiority complexx hmm, and i stopped being a tell-tale goodytwoshoes brat) hahaha :)
care and concern. makes life go round.
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Thursday, June 16, 2011
ahhh. no matter how much i study, (or how long i sit there trying to force myself to study at any rate) there's so much undone still and i wont be finishing in time i think!
gahhhh. :/ losing my joie de vivre (so to speak) sigh. was sitting in the wishing well on wednesday by myself looking outside at the giant white cloud. it floated out of the window view when i was reading chem notes and made me wish i could float outside too. thinking that: sigh. this is not how life should be like.
okay. anyway, at night to cheer myself up, went to watch tons of videos (and effectively slept at 1am -.-) HAHA. omg jin fangirling time once again. havent obsessively watched many fan-related vids of KAT-TUN (or maybe just akanishi jin) in a longgg time. since sec 4 i think?
this is damn sexy *cough*
hahaha jin's solo performance in tokyo dome (a freaking large performance arena in Japan that only the most popular bands dare to perform in coz later too empty LOL) when KATTUN had their concert. his voice is omggggg. sooo good.
omgosh. lol all the fangirls screaming when he does the signature hiproll move that all talents from Johnny's Entertainment know how to do. HAHA ;D but his dancing is damn good. tho this vid is less dancing and more uhm fanservice? ahahaha. the end is a must-watch. (3:45 and onwards) lol he's intimately dancing with the "girl" but it's actually his (very male) bandmate. HAHA. only the japanese have such ultimate fanservice for fangirls.
tho i have no idea why girls would want to see their idols with another guy. prob coz it's not gonna happen so there's no jealousy on their part. woohoo.
hahahaha. im going crazy. time to do some work. stop fangirling.
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Sunday, June 12, 2011
futile?
ah well.
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thank you for being in my life :) wish all of you were in my life earlier. when things were less complicated. when we still had simple minded aimless fun without major exams looming over our heads.
haha not forgetting the awesome pple who were there before jc :) sigh want to go back to then.
lol actually i miss sec school times, that was the last time there were friends so so close that we had so many shared memories of ea other embarassing themselves. when you talked on the phone and bitched and laughed and obsessed over the same things tgt. made lists tgt. when you could talk on the phone for hours while looking at a jap-english dictionary xD. when you went out and just talkeddddd and laughedddd.
but anw, now is okay.
thanks for being someone i am proud to call my close friend :) someone who i can crappppp so MUCH in real life and on msn. who i can share vids with (TOTALLY SPAM), for letting me rant, for understanding and not judging (at all) thank gdness, for being sooo on the same wavelength, for being stuck in so many same scenarios and the same problems, for laughing at all the stupiddddd (and sometimes sick) jokes, for tolerating my sickness coz someone's totally sicker -.- tsk. haha for being one of the first few i tell if i do something dumb/amazingly dumb/blur. because the response is always sooo predictable.
okay played hard today. must work hard tomorrow. promise myself.
haha i post as i happen to feel on a whim. so of course there are awesome pple who havent been mentioned. silent gratitude :)
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Wednesday, June 08, 2011
haha yay new song for blog =)
Cassis by The Gazette. Awesome song to listen to :) and good for mood if u want to calm and study. hahaha. i loveeee the instrumental melody part at the start. and the guy playing the guitar at the start of the video (Aoi) is damnnn cool! hahaha. all of them look so super nice in the vid (J-ROCK yeaaaa) because of hard makeup, without it, many j-rock bands would look horrendous hahaha. but anw, though this song is jap rock, its not heavy and loud and cringeworthy! haha it's soooo nice and soothing :D
okay second song added is Lollipop by Big Bang. awesome song =) sooo cute.
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these two days have been the most 2 productive days in my life. hahaha.
went to school on tuesday to study with easties! :) did work in the library alone while ding had chinese class and syakir&mir were too lazy to wake up early hehe xD (wonder what they doing ^^) then went raja block... then we managed to sneak into an unlocked sec4 RI classroom above raja block! yay. it's damn good. got aircon, and can talk when we're taking breaks! :) mega productive there! too bad the guards came in at 6pm and asked us not to use again (the lady said" i don't want to see yall in here again") SIGH. hahaha.
mugging with ding and syakir is scary. (mir was downstairs raja block coz she had to do ELL stuff with friends!) dj is a scaryyyyyyy mugging machine. he sits down, and starts doing and doing and doing tutorials and pracs like nobody's business and the next moment 3 hrs later, 2 topics worth all done. amagad. the papers fill up like nobody's business. HAHA me and syakir are like *jawdrop* lol but both of them do work so silently, i get more pressurised to work too :D then in between we talk crap (but that's like once in 2hrs, so its fine)
today went to school again, with sarah buddy :D we were dyinggggg slow deaths in the library haha. every few half hours, turn to ea other and give dying looks. HAHA. slept for half hour on the table :) there's a good thing abt sleeping on tables. you wake up automatically half hour later :D (or at least i do :D)
okay brain dyingggggg a slow death. very tired. eyes are dry and wanna closeeeee. and yet, im already lagging behind my revision schedule tho it just started 2 days ago.
i kinda regret wasting time on sats the entire first week. haizzzzzz. but at least making a schedule helped me see how desperately screwed ill be if i dun study. so now tada. haha. darnnn. hope i dun die halfway. the schedule is impossibly crazy. i think i was high on some substance on monday night when i made it. as if it's even humanly possible to do 5 topics of bio a day. HAHA. next week's bio day GG.
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Monday, June 06, 2011
hope easties enjoyed their sleepover on saturday night :), pity i couldn't go (dun even need to ask mum's permission ._. coz itll be "no") ahh well. must stop myself from emo-ing whenever i can't go for stuff, it's stupid and childish to expect others to cancel their plans because one can't go. obviously they shouldnt. but haha as always some foolishly overly hopeful part of yourself cant help but wish.
anw, shall blog about fun events of saturday's another time... not in the mood tonight.
spent today in relative aimlessness, restlessness, but at least i packed my stuff really well. can start work productively tmr. am aware that im quite(VERY) behind in studies, but haiz. can't bring myself to do more about it other than feel slightly anxious at the back of my mind, meanwhile continuing to slack.
so bored tonight. on nights when i have resolutions to do productive work, about 4-5 people talk to me ._. on nights like this when im absolutely craving for company and distraction. zilch. haiz. and when i finally deigned and decided to talk to someone, picked the wrong timing to. sigh.
have to stop the emo spiral from starting all over again. why is it that holidays make me feel both more relaxed and more angsty at the same time? no friends to see, to talk to and to hug and squish and tug around, coz thats what i love to do. sigh.
how often do i cross your mind?
wonder if it's as often as you do in mine. god. an idiot i am.
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Thursday, June 02, 2011
am craving for cup mee. ZOMG. haha studying=unhealthiness. BUT for me so far, it's very unproductive attempts to study= unhealthiness without a cause. goshhh.
ah well. anyway, can't wait for akanishi jin's newest song (gonna be a collboration with jason derulo) OMG i bet it's gonna be a hit. ~~~jinnnnnnn *ultimate fangirl* HAHA sigh these days i can't even find KAT-TUN songs online or watch the vids... sian. See News Here
haha on another note, enjoy this french song =) carla bruni is sooo talented (first lady, pretty, a model, does charity work, can singgggggggg) haha her voice in french is so sexy. Le Plus Beau du Quartier
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hahaha did a bit of SATS prac today (not enuf tho D:) and sleptttt and ran 5km after dinner around 9 :) SO HAPPY. the thing im most proud of doing today.
idiotttt dinggg, made me download auditionSEA to play again yest night. download until 2.30am -.- dunno why it took 1hr (SO LONG) then we played till 3am. OMG. really not the time to get addicted to asiasoft RPG games again but i ammm. sooo fun to play! haha dancing game! and they have SO MANY COOL SONGS, the latest...
played again tonighttt. omg. we were supposed to play only abit from 11-11.30pm, ended up playing till 12.30pm. GOSH weak-minded undisciplined people D: but hahaha dannggg nice songs! got britneyyyy's 3 and womanizer, there's rihanna's S&M(HAHA), songs by T-ARA, Big Bang, Gdragon, Taeyang, SuperJunior, 2NE1 all the popular korean bands, plus Taio Cruz, Bruno Mars, and popular english pop artists too. (and a certain bimtch just loves slutty songs HAHA) sian why i only lvl5 but ding is lvl 19! i want nice clothes for my avatar. maybe i can go buy cash items XD (and waste real life money gosh)
okay since im high on adrenaline from playing audi and running, i shall do a bit of work before sleeping :)
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Wednesday, June 01, 2011
Friday! went for archery sleepover at michelle hwang's houseeeee (ITS SO NICE AND BIG AND AWESOME) except that i couldnt sleepover (no dear parental permission). anw :) glad i got allowed to stay from aftnn to nighttt tho :D we played chubbybunny marshmallow game! HAHA so retardedddd. played mono deal! tried fixing hwang's thousand piece jigsaw puzzle and gave up... played with her catttttttt :) so cuteeee i love catsssssss :D lol then the booze came out xP. omg archery pple are just so dun care when it comes to alcohol. like seriously, blyc and class pple dun even mention it, but archery ppl treat it as a must and so natural. like LOL i wonder what theyve been doing the past few times they had sleepovers (and when they went overseas for thailand competition HAHA.)
LOL played indian poker with drinking as the punishment! BUT more like a reward lorrr for the nicer tasting shots xD OMG lol me and TT totally went crazy over the coffee liqueur coz it was SO GOOD. almost as good as baileys! Café Boheme it's called. LOL the entire gang polished off the half-bottle in record time.... we were all pouting in sadness then hwang took out another bottle from her chilled wine cellar (omg damn cool-- it's a door all on it's own, like a storage room except that it's cold!). some of them totally loved the coconut rum mixed with seven up. but it wasnt nice at all. Oo. anw, later got dunked into the pool by bloodyyyyyyyy jordan and russell!! (lousyyyyyy hwanggg instigated it, just coz i totally tried to fleece her at mono deal earlier xD) i got dragged, carried unceremoniously to the pool by 2-3 ppl with hwang laughing her head off at the side, i was like clutching all the tables and chair legs to no avail D: "nonononononononon-" DUNK. sigh. hahaha. so annoying! later bryan yeo, roy and yongjia got pushed in too! but the idiots who pushed us in (after laughing for a long time) went back in to play the xbox and forgot about us -.- idiotssssss. we were knocking on the glass and looking sad LOL. and the monkey roy lost his contacts in the pool! tried to find it in the pool. lol worse than finding a needle in a haystack!
changed. whew thank gdness for changes of clothes! had hwang's awesome fried rice after... :) the cat is sooo cute, can pick it up to cuddleeeeee (warm and cuteee) and when you put your finger in front of it's face, itll bump it's nose into your finger purposely. ahhhh *heartmelt* i am gonna get a kitty next time in the future :) also went to play the piano abit!! omggg yongjia (just realised he's chris teow's j1 cousin) is damn pro at piano! can play all the pop songs like Perfect by Pink, Viva la vida, and alot of other songs goshhh. was learning to play perfect from his iphone score.
later the girls were painting nails! goshhh hwang has like EVERYTHING for nails. (i sometimes wonder how she gets away with wearing her very highly decorated nails to school and she never gets caught :O) anw. DAMNNN FUNNY. painted the guys' toenails when they werent paying attention! EPIC TTM. ahahaha rofl. TT got painted while smsing, then look down "WTF???" HAHA. ruitao while playing his laptop (starcraft?) under the table! hwang is soo good and sneaking around painting toenails!. LOLOL then russell plonked himself down and volunteered to be painted! HAHAHA. omggg so gay!! hwang gave him a damn expert pretty french manicure on his right hand, very pretty multicoloured nails on his left hand... then his toenails got this bright whore-red colour. laugh till cannot tahan. bryan yeo got painted while unaware too! damnnn funny. he was like "ehhh, my parents already suspect im bi! this cannot happen to me now!!" jordan got painted midnight blue! HAHA. lollll, all the guys pretend they dun want to get painted nails, but after we sneak some onto them, they all go "aiyah, since halfway paint alr, might as well paint finish". closet gays? XD ahahaha. TT got watermelon nails! red with green lining with black dots (nail pen) awesome stuff.
after that went home! apparently the night sleepover had a lot of PDA-ing. gosh too many couples in archery. nicole brought along her dearest nic eu (crasher) and they were mega-pda-ing (not only at night! but alllllll the time. i heard from ding, even in class when the tchers are around Oo HAHA). and then there's lionel and soohan. who aren't gross, just damn cute.
saturday, went psc scholarship fair with ding, mir, syakir, yingyao =) then ate at soup spoon too :D had an epic convo about gayness LOL. hahahaha
okay. sunday went for Rproj! totally my stalker type of event :) hehe coz can stare at all the girls and guys. HAHA. went with taiwan immersion friends :) renciiiiiii (sexy legs hehe), rox and zhiyuan!! went to support cui er whose designs are damnn awesome! (the clothes on qiqi, some other girl and calvin khor) hahaha after the event we were like omgggg this event makes pple superrrr self-conscious! can't sing, can't dance (after watching the performances), can't model, and not even skinny/pretty. *retreats to emo corner to grow mushrooms* HAHA! even the guests at the event-- alot of girls were super leggy and slim and dressed up. haha. omgggg minyi (the model) was sizzling. HAHA. she was the opening act, so hot and so so scary also (coz the theme was storm, so the models all had to look dao and scary), her presence was like woaaaa. such an imposing presence on stage! haha damn good tho. dies. meiying was prettyyyyyy zomg. doll pretty. 100% prettiness through and through. hahaha and nandita (baby's frienddd) was damn pretty! and cool! her dress was nice and totally suited her!
haha very fun to tease rence! the whole day was annoying herrr xD but anw, sigh must go out sometime :)
today was tuesday! after mr ngan's bio remedial class, went to eat Aston's (a few bustops down from school) with chris, jack, merv! haha funny convos about weird anime/manga!!! okay then went back to school to study :) nt that productive! but ahhh well! was funnn =)
okay and i realise, ive just regurgitated my entire week's events here. ah well, the purpose of my blog is to record down for my future memory anw :)
***
to my wonderful dear friend: i feel sad when you're down D: i hope you will have manyyyyy manyyyy more happy times in your wonderful life than sad times :) cheerups okay? Love you so much much much! and though we "baby" around and say alot of meaningless flirty shallow crap to ea other sooo much on a daily basis (coz it's so much fun to les around) xD im glad we have rather deep talks sometimes too :) always know im here for you. haha when you cry, hope ill be right there to wipe those tears up, just like i know you did for me :)
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