a new phase of life is going to start, and i am really apprehensive. and worried.
these past 9 months, i think i have spent 70% of it in semi-silence (at workplaces with colleagues whom i have no idea what to speak to about.... or with groups of friends either out of lack of opportunity or the sense of this growing distance between us) AND in secluded lonerism (at home coz i am strongly *and i mean really quite strongly* discouraged from going out much)
i think i have lost most of the training and familiarity i'd built up slowly (and painstakingly) since secondary school & jc in being outgoing/happy/talkative/friendly in groups of people. sigh.
also, seems like all i do these days is make shallow friendships that seem to fade with time the more i don't see the person in question. not much interaction outside of face-to-face even in this day and age of INTER-CONNECTIVITY and TECHNOLOGY where there are things like SMS/handphones/emails/facebookchat/whatsapp/so on and so forth.
perhaps i am an uninteresting person.
perhaps i am kinda socially awkward.
perhaps there is just something about the way i interact with people that just screams "hey she can only be an acquiantance, not a close friend"
perhaps i am weird
at any rate, more often than not i find myself in a state of silence. haiz. and i don't mean it as though I don't like listening to friends but only want to talk....
what i mean is i LIKE listening to people, but it's as if there's no one around to let me listen to anymore.
the academic side of things is also looking to be headed in a threateningly FREAKING tough direction. imagine pw 10 times a year. omg seeing as every single module emphasises on proj work? wtf.
and
i can't remember the last time i had a freaking good laugh. or a hug. or a feeling that "hey you are important to me"
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