idk why im emoing over gp too. it's just that, i didn't even take the test properly (seeing as i did it at home with quite alot of time) but i can't even get my essay reasonably right.
or maybe im just depressed these days.
each day i feel so fricking stressed. im angry at myself, at others, at myself again (really, mostly just myself). the angst is killing me. but i cant find anywhere to haul it off to.
im damn annoyed at how slow im progressing (if you call it progress at all ._.)... at how i am really so behind everyone. Not only the blank chem bklets which several pple are still in the same boat as me and can still claim to not have done... but i really havent done a single tutorial for so long i cant rmber what it feels like. so that makes it even worse.
and my screwedness is showing. it really is. it's showing so badly in my results. fk.
i know i need to study. i want to study. i really really need to. but why do some insist on making you feel like you're being weird/too mugger/hardcore. and the very people who make me feel like im not doing something right, are doing so much better.
am too impatient these days. emoing at every turn. all the bad feelings are surfacing. i cant really stand this "me". but somehow it's so hard to paste that smile on if you really don't feel like it. am feeling unreasonably angry too. at people who have done nothing but be nice to me. im sorry, ignore the earlier paragraph.
pretty soon im going to become a loner. coz im afraid ill snap/get into a fight with someone just coz of how much angst i want to let loose these days.
worse comes to worse maybe i will. and hope & hope really hard that i will be forgiven with time for that.
sometimes i just want to die in these shackles.
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