How to make yourself look like a complete idiot/ retard/ weirdo in front of everyone #1
- haha invented so greatly by me ><
THE CRAB SAGA
----- firstly, u can use this guide when or if u go to those kind of eateries that serve maybe crab bee hoon or anything to do with crab XD
Scenario:
Step 1: You: (in front of steaming plate of food) *takes up crab (cooked!!, must be cooked!! for u to act like an absolute idiot!!) and puts crab in the nearest gutter/drain that is near e eatery, close enough for pple to see u (important!!!-take note) and goes " bye, little buddy(crab)!! BE FREEEE!!!!!"
Step 2: Wait a few minutes, then as the crab doesnt move, (obviously its dead!!) u say... " hey little buddy... move... be free!! don't you want to be free...???" *continue to talk to the crab*. Then, start poking it with ur finger or with a stick... saying or shouting (for more effect) "Move!!Why aren't you moving??!!!!"
Step 3: Finally, as the crab continues to sit stupidly in the drain, (duhhh) u get up and pretend to lose your temper... Kick the crab and say "DAMMIT MOVE!!" [ by this step, there will be many pple looking at you... oh wait i mean staring at you with weirded out looks thinking to themselves "this guy is a moron/ wat a complete weirdo/ wat a complete idiot/wat the HECK is that weirdo doing??!!" OR all of them XD ]
Step 4 - the FINALE: At last, everyone should now be staring at you, now that u've got everyones complete attention, u can now start e last and final act that will permanently let the audience remember u forever as the "weird crab idiot" This will be a memorable day for them :D haha! ok, now on to the step... You crouch down beside the splattered remains of e poor cooked crab which u just kicked to pieces seconds ago and go " Noooooooo, little buddy!! wat have i done???!!" Start wailing and sobbing (fake sobbing of coz, but try to make it as real as possible... :) ) and start throwing a big tantrum or wailing fit on the floor... Still sniffing, pick up the pieces and start putting them together and try to inch the crab down the drain pretending its still alive
[ for additional effect, u can try asking the shop keeper for a glass of water (he should give it to you... of coz, wat person wouldnt give a glass of water to a wats-it-called... um mental patient to get rid of him/her... hee :D). pour the water down the drain and wash the crab down the hole or down the drain.] With that, u call after the washed down crab, " Bye little buddy!!!" then u leave before the pple see ur insanely grinning face or before u burst out into uncontrollable laughter and either a) spoil the effect or b) (if ur lucky) enforce the fact that u are really... a total weirdo :D
-----------------------------------------THE END-----------------------------------
you are now officially a weirdo after implementing and carrying out successfully this plan and the steps in this informative (hopefully) guide to weirdness XD
haha if ur wondering, this guide is reliable as it comes from first hand experience... ( wait... did i just say that?? eh..ahem... wooooooooooopss :)
*shifty eyes and laughter* um ahem YOU DIDNT SEE OR READ NO NOTHING!!!!!!
*heheh ~part 2 might be out soon, depends whether i find another way how to act like a weirdo :D haha! ><
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